If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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