Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize