"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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