i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize