I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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