Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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