I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize