We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
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I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
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We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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