Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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