idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
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you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i now understand why vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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