i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize