She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
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I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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