Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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