btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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