Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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