I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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