He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
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He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
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But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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