Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize