Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
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Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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