It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
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Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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