I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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