I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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