hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize