my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
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YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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