We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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