ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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