he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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