He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
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I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
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I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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