Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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