My nipple is on Facebook.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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