Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize