Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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