There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This baby is an asshole
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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