I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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