It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
did i just pee glitter
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