This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
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My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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