haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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