I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize