At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
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some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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