If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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