I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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