Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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