I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
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I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
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on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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