I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
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If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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