Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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