my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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