My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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