Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
4 words: hood of his car
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
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Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
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Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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