you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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