I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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